she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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