When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
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