If that was your dad, he is hot
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
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She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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