Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize