On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
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I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
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The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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