Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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