If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize