mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
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all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
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Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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