can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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