margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize