I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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