Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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