i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize