My nipple is on Facebook.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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