I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
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I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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