He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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