I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
are you so shy because you have an std?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
it glows. i had to have it.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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