Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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