All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
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Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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