I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
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Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
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That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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