So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
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I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
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He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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