Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I deserve this hangover.
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