I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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