when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize