My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize