Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
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The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
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alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize