I want to stick my p in your. b.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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