i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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