thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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