When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
The air taste purple.
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