i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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