It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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