I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
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Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
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I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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