watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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