One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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