My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Welp...herpes.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
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I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
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I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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