I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
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