Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
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What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
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They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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