What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
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Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
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Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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