About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize