there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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