somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize