i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Randomize