I wish I only lived at night.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
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So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
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We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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