I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
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