omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
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My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
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Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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