At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
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you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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