before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize