im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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