Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(310): View more from California

I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.

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(310): I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE. http://tfl.nu/dkfu

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(630): View more from Illinois

I just remember telling jokes while vomitting

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(630): I just remember telling jokes while vomitting http://tfl.nu/rnz0

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'

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(920): you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!' http://tfl.nu/st5y

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(904): View more from Florida

he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up

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(904): he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up http://tfl.nu/1mju

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(806): View more from Texas

Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.

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(806): Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one. http://tfl.nu/nt34

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(973): View more from New Jersey

A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.

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(973): A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ. http://tfl.nu/a72f

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?

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(412): At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks? http://tfl.nu/fbfw

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(203): View more from Connecticut

she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years

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(203): she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years http://tfl.nu/j9r2

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(870): View more from Arkansas

We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster

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(870): We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster http://tfl.nu/c1fy

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.

(1-306): View more from Saskatchewan

What did you cook with whisky?

(306): View more from Saskatchewan

We started a fire.

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(306): We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky. (1-306): What did you cook with whisky? (306): We started a fire. http://tfl.nu/4y3v

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(425): View more from Washington

Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.

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(425): Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible. http://tfl.nu/qw88

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(310): View more from California

So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...

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(310): So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off... http://tfl.nu/wmce

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(636): View more from Missouri

Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.

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(636): Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present. http://tfl.nu/1iee

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.

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(920): No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight. http://tfl.nu/0s2q

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(949): View more from California

YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!

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(949): YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER! http://tfl.nu/b6lu

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